Archive for Life

Breathing Freely

September 10, 2020 / / No comments
Duck at Bierstadt Lake

This blog is mostly focused on the inner work of self development. Even so, no person is an island. Those around us can be powerful teachers, shining light on our paths as we do our inner work. Current events have pushed me to write more broadly, reflecting on social justice. In these reflections, I have found that Metta (loving-kindness) is a powerful tool, creating space for shadow work: creating space to effectively work with and through that which is uncomfortable.

Six years ago, the phrase “I can’t breathe” entered our national conscience. After Eric Garner died in a police choke hold, his last words echoed throughout the news and social media. People protested against police brutality across America. Many police departments reviewed and revised policies and training regarding the use of force. Even so, Americans continue to die by lethal force by law enforcement. Most who have been killed were armed, but many had no weapons. Research found that victims were disproportionately likely to be Black Americans  (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ pmc/articles/PMC6080222/). In May, our nation was horrified to hear those words once again. This time, George Floyd pleaded “I can’t breathe” as a policeman knelt on his neck for several minutes, eventually killing him.

Wildfires have been devastating this summer. California has lost 2.5 million acres so far (a “modern record and nearly 20 times what had burned at this time last year”, https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/09/us/fires-washington-california-oregon-malden.html), and communities in Oregon and Washington State were destroyed. The San Francisco sky glows eerie orange. Fires continue to burn throughout the American West, spurred on by climate change and problematic fire control policies (https://www.propublica.org/article/they-know-how-to-prevent-megafires-why-wont-anybody-listen). 

Last weekend, in Colorado, the fire nearest to my home mushroomed in size, propelled by heat and powerful winds. The Cameron Peak Fire has had very little containment since its ignition August 13 (https://inciweb.nwcg.gov/incident/6964/). The fire crews weren’t able to get ahead of it due to the mountainous terrain and the large number of beetle-killed trees in its path (a result of climate change). Saturday evening, ash resembled snow as it fell from the sky. Two hours before sunset, the sky glowed an unsettling amber as a dark red sun floated well above the horizon. Even with a mask, the air was thick and irritating. I felt those words echo, “I can’t breathe.”

Without setting a specific intention, I felt Metta arising in response. I felt Metta arising for those who have suffered police brutality and systemic racism. I felt Metta arising for those who are protesting the abuses. I felt Metta arising for those breathing in polluted air – whether from forest fires or other sources. I felt Metta arising for those who, afraid of Covid-19, no longer breathe deeply when near strangers. I felt Metta arising for those who, afraid of the unrest in America today, hold their breath metaphorically. 

Tuesday, we received surprisingly early snowfall – 14” of snow dampening our wildfire. Overnight, the ash and smoke disappeared, and the air once again felt safe. Walking through Rocky Mountain National Park yesterday, grateful for the snow and ice, I felt Metta arising. May we all be well in body and mind. May we be at peace. May we breathe freely.

Category: Life, Social justice /

Consciously healing in tumultuous times

June 28, 2020 / / No comments

The 2020 backstory

intricate roots of an upended treeWe are living in a tumultuous time in the world, with so much demanding our attention. The World Health Organization declared Covid-19 to be an international health emergency on January 30. We saw people dying painful deaths caused by a new virus that spreads incredibly easily. Watching a news segment in February, I was shocked and saddened by the devastation caused by Covid-19 in Italy and Spain. America was slow to register the threat, but by March and April, it was focused on responding to the novel coronavirus. This spring, countries all over the world took measures to limit social interactions to reduce the spread of the disease, and the economy in response had the most significant downturn since the Great Depression. Economists are hopeful that there will be a “v-shaped” recovery, but “w-shaped” and slow recoveries are also possible. 

As the summer approached, there was an intense focus on when social restrictions could be lifted, and how the impacts on the economy could be contained. In the U.S., since federal guidance was limited, states and localities chose starkly different approaches, and researchers studied the health and economic impacts of those decisions. Then, on May 25, attention quickly pivoted as a new concern came sharply into focus: George Floyd’s murder by police in Minneapolis was recorded in a video that sent shockwaves around the world. Since then, many stories of racial bias and systemic racism have emerged. Even Covid-19 had such a story, as American communities of color were disproportionately affected by the virus. Recently, I was especially heartbroken to read about Elijah McClain’s death in Colorado in 2019. The stories have been eye-opening, humbling, and outrageous, and they have started a process for grieving and for effecting change. Tremendous energy has arisen driving efforts to correct social wrongs; there have been protests in the streets all around the world with people demanding equality and justice. Meanwhile, cases of Covid-19 continue to be a serious concern, particularly in the United States. 

Processing this moment

As a nation, and as a world, we are having deep conversations about what it means to live as a community in terms of freedom, accountability, and responsibility for each others’ well being. It is a time for exposing shadows – for seeing that which we haven’t seen before. In that process, a multitude of emotions may arise. Many of us are experiencing grief, anger, frustration, shame, guilt, defensiveness, overwhelm, excitement about the possibilities, and a thousand other emotions. 

In this period of change, one consideration that has been important for me is that I keep my eye on the ball. It is essential to channel this energy to effect change towards greater connection, community, and fairness. Yes, emotions arise. There is no need to repress emotions. They will be present whether you choose to acknowledge them or not, and I’ve found more freedom to release them when I acknowledge and allow them to arise and pass. On the other hand, there is no need to indulge in emotions. I’ve seen some posts that say that, if you aren’t grieving, you aren’t responding correctly. Or, if you aren’t angry (or, you are angry), you are doing it wrong. As well, some posts suggest the writer may be too emerged in shame or guilt to be able to address the issues at hand. I’ve found a deep invitation to allow everyone to be in their own authentic reactions. At the same time, for myself, I’ve found that it is valuable to not overly indulge – to not “get stuck” in strong emotions; to allow what is present to be present, to acknowledge it, and to let it go when it is ready to be released. In that way, I can conserve energy and focus on the work that needs to be done. 

So, I am excited about taking advantage of this opportunity. I am excited about meeting the invitation to see what wasn’t seen at the personal, familial, and societal levels. Many white people have been surprised to see systemic racism that has long been obvious to people of color. This work is hard, and it can feel natural to react with fatigue and a closing heart. Instead, I find a call to resiliently lean in, willingly letting heart and mind open. After viewing, I am feeling it necessary to effect change for greater equality and justice from that place of a broader vision, doing my own shadow work and supporting societal transformation towards equality and justice. I’d love for us to find out together how deeply healing can take root when deeply nourished by compassion and wisdom.

Category: Corona reflections, Life, Social justice /

Exploring shifting perception

May 31, 2020 / / No comments

One of the most potent and compelling recent societal shifts, from my perspective, has been the deepening public conversation concerning white privilege. Part of the discussion is that white people typically have so much to say, and it is time to genuinely listen to people of color. So, while I’ve done quite a bit of reflection, I haven’t written much about the topic. Today, I wanted to write a few words in response to recent events.

The nature of existence is that perception is filtered through experience. As much as we feel we have shared realities, to some extent, our realities are personal constructions. What each of us thinks, believes, and perceives, is intertwined in a largely unconscious activity of creation. For that reason, the idea of a truly objective, shared reality may well be fiction. In writing Joy’s Edge, I explored perception from a variety of angles. My explorations were informed by my own experiences – my own life. In that way, they are, of course, only a limited, personal view.

Many researchers and thinkers have identified ways in which cellphone usage has adversely impacted our societies. For example, people are often more attentive to their cellphones than to the people in the room. People can get addicted to “likes” on social media platforms, anxiously reviewing and comparing feedback. As well, cell phones help to amplify the 24-hour news cycle, and many react with increasing anxiety to constant updates concerning problems in the world. Consequently, it is important to be conscientious about one’s cellphone use.

Even so, cell phones have brought about one profound and welcome change: people who are being treated unfairly, and even illegally, now frequently have their experiences recorded by cellphones. Often, the recordings are made by victims or by witnesses. Sometimes, videos are recorded by perpetrators, unaware of how badly their own behavior will be perceived. Cell phone video, especially when it is long, unedited, with relatively still camera handling, provides a measure of objectivity, and thus a sense of shared reality.

These days, most people have cellphones. Many are willing and able to record situations that they sense are dangerous. Such video documentation has been instrumental in identifying issues of police abuse and other types of threatening behaviors. A few years ago, many hoped that police body cameras would curtail abuses. For a variety of reasons, they haven’t had the dramatic impact that was once anticipated (https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/blogs/stateline/2020/01/14/body-cameras-may-not-be-the-easy-answer-everyone-was-looking-for). However, citizen recordings have been profoundly useful in uncovering inappropriate, illegal, and dangerous behaviors. People can stand up for what they feel is right. They can record, share, and post videos.

In the case of George Floyd’s murder, a powerful collective “No” arose in response to video evidence. Without video evidence, people could argue about circumstances, such as whether the police were facing a dangerous situation. However, a long, unedited video showed the terrifying last few minutes of a man’s life as he was killed by those who had sworn to serve and protect him. We can disagree about a lot. But, when we see a man face down, hands handcuffed behind his back not resisting, one policeman with his knee on his neck and three more standing around not intervening while a crowd shouts and pleads for his life, a cop literally choking the life out of someone as people beg him to stop, there’s no argument. The video documents a profound abuse of power, a profound disregard for human life – and a profound assault to everyone’s humanity, everyone’s peace. So, I’m grateful that it is so much easier now for us to document abuse. I’m grateful that people are speaking up and asking those who do the talking to listen. I’m grateful that powerful, painful, essential conversations are taking place. I’m hopeful that as we create more of a sense of shared reality, as we see things through each others’ eyes, we’ll get better at honoring each others’ humanity.

Category: Life, Social justice /

An invitation inherent in the Covid-19 situation

May 22, 2020 / / No comments

Amidst the Covid-19 pandemic, we are experiencing a time of great shifting. Most of the time, people approach life somewhat on automatic pilot, trusting that our familiar routines and expectations will be in place. Now, many of us are approaching life one day at a time, not knowing quite what to expect. We are experiencing such a rare time; so many of us are consciously aware that we do not know what to expect. We know that we don’t know what our social environments will be like in a month, six months, or a year. We know that we don’t know how long we’ll be laying low or how long it will be before we feel safe getting out. In the northern hemisphere, we know that we don’t know if the infections and deaths will spike as people return to public spaces. Or, instead, if Covid-19 will be among the viruses that are much less virulent in hotter months. People are working out how to safely restart the economy. Everything and everyone is in flux. Even though life always changes, now is a time when we are more keenly aware of that reality. When we talk about how we are doing, we are more deeply aware that we are speaking in the present, unable to know for sure what will be even in the near future.

In this time of unexpectedness, from my perspective, it is essential to have patience with yourself and with others, acting with a willingness to create space without trying to “fix” yourself or other people. We all respond differently to stress. I’ve noticed that this is a particularly important time to let go of feeling like you need to get other people to agree with you. The only thing you can say right now is that, yes, the whole world is shifting. The world as a whole is in flux.

I do notice an invitation inherent in these unusual times. In this transition, can you take your time, noticing what is beautiful right now? Can you notice which changes are deeply valuable and welcome? What changes are beneficial? How might you live your life differently, seeing how this big shut down has impacted the world – how it’s impacted mental health, community, and nature? Can you see beauty arising in this time of great mystery? Can you live your life from your truth, wisely and compassionately, making space for those acting reactively in this challenging time? Can you see the beauty – the opportunity – inherent in these challenges? This time is as rich as any time. Perhaps, more so, because of its stark contrast to “normal.” This worldwide challenge presents a profoundly bold invitation for reflection, revision, and creation. Can you sense the possibilities aligned with your deepest wishes for a more just, wise, compassionate way of being?

There are some social causes that I feel are especially important for me to support – issues that have been highlighted by the current stressors. Even so, I’ve found it essential to cultivate my own sense of peace, equanimity, compassion, and joy before (and while!) focusing on larger projects. Just as, on airplanes, you’re warned to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others, I’ve found that it’s been vital to maintain a strong meditation and mindfulness practice in order to be properly available to serve on a larger scale. In addition, consciously appreciating possibilities (at personal and societal levels) is an essential way to help secure your own metaphorical oxygen mask.

I hope you are well and stay well!

Category: Corona reflections, Life /

Reflections on Covid-19

May 12, 2020 / / No comments

The dramatic changes that came about in response to Covid-19 have created profound, and in many cases, unexpected shifts on the planet. As a result, all sorts of emotions naturally arise. Simply having externally imposed changes to routines can elicit fear, worry, or frustration – as well as joy, gratitude, and silence. Concerns about the impact of the virus on health (for society more broadly, as well as for specific loved ones and oneself) and the economy can similarly result in diverse and contradictory emotional and cognitive responses.

From my perspective, this time has created incredible opportunities for personal reflection and growth. Even so, I also honor that, for many people, simply holding it together is quite an accomplishment. I wanted to share some things that have made this time feel rich with possibility for me. On the other hand, I am also aware that most of us have more “shoulds” than we have time to pursue, so please explore any ideas that resonate with you with no guilt about the ideas you leave behind.

To be clear, I am lucky to have very fortunate circumstances. While I am unemployed and eager to launch a new career in data analytics (I earned an MS in April), I live with my love and our dog, and we aren’t worried about paying bills right now. I am 49 and he is 50, so we are in a risk group, though we are not in the most concerning risk groups. I do have beloved older relatives and neighbors, a sister with an immune challenge, and a sister working as a nurse on the intensive Covid floor. So, I am practicing vigilance with regard to precautions and checking in with loved ones. I’m so grateful for easy electronic communications!

Working with Mutable Routines

Routines can be quite useful for both efficiency and balance. One way to help children to self-regulate is to establish clear schedules. Using picture or text schedules that they understand and use can be especially helpful. Often, being able to check items off a list provides children (and adults!) with a welcome sense of calm and control when the world feels unpredictable. Even when life doesn’t go according to plan, it can be useful to review the schedule, rearranging tasks to ensure that necessary steps get completed. 

Making Time for Connection and Self-care

I’ve found that it is vital to schedule activities for self-care and connection. For example, I schedule meditation, time in nature, and exercise every day. My boyfriend and I enjoy meals together, and our 10-year-old dog gets a walk or two daily. Also, my boyfriend and I designate Sunday and/or Monday as “Family Day.” We might hike, do home projects, stroll around a local lake with our dog, make wine, or (hopefully soon!) camp on Family Days. To maintain connections with the community, I continued paying the monthly membership for the small, independently owned yoga studio I frequent. And, I take part in the Facebook Live yoga sessions they stream. As well, I connect virtually for meditations with a few lovely groups. In addition, we’re checking in regularly with our older neighbors and my parents.  

Compassionately Observing Emotions

This time of unpredictability is ripe with opportunities to notice our internal experiences. It is essential to work with mental health professionals if needed. There are numerous telehealth options now, providing guidance without exposure to viruses. Mental health professionals have warned that existing conditions can be exacerbated by the current stressors. As well, the stress may be too much for people who don’t usually need extra guidance – particularly if those around them are also feeling stressed out. For me, I’ve found that it is helpful to notice and explore uncomfortable feelings (frustration, helplessness, anger, sadness, numbness, etc.) with a compassionate eye. I witness where in the body the emotions are held and breathe love into those spaces. As well, I notice the stories that are associated with those emotions – not to believe the stories, to anchor more deeply in them, or to refute them – but simply to compassionately intuit the thoughts associated with uncomfortable emotions. Often, once the stories are plainly seen, they lose their hold, resulting in greater peace and ease. 

Loving-Kindness Meditation

I love Metta meditation any time, and I’ve found that it is especially helpful during this pandemic. I recently posted a simple guided Metta meditation. There are many others available online, in case that one doesn’t resonate with you. When you feel the weight of tremendous suffering in the world, it is enormously beneficial to offer these blessings of loving-kindness to yourself, your loved ones, and the whole world. 

Celebrating Nature

I live in beautiful Colorado, and I have always enjoyed gardening and hiking here. Even so, I’ve found that getting out in nature is especially essential now. One practice that I have added is to photograph and video moments in nature. That practice has been wonderful in drawing my eye to the beauty that surrounds me. It also focuses my mind on the present. For fun, I created new Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/joysedge) and YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwvmTtipADv0r5eZeIU48Ow) pages to share the visions. My boyfriend and I are also planning our vegetable and herb gardens. Last year’s scallions have already returned and made their way into several meals. We have several new pots for herbs, leafy greens, and squashes. 

Gratitude

When things feel rough, it can be especially helpful to reflect on that for which you feel grateful. It can be simple – the smile of a loved one, the return of spring grass, a tasty meal… Or, larger concerns – good health, available resources, a safe place to live. I’ve found that it is a profoundly satisfying practice to consciously reflect on gratitude daily. Once you start, most find a surprising number of things for which to be grateful. 

I hope you and your loved ones are thriving in this unusual time! Please let me know what has worked for you for balance, joy, and deeper understanding. 

Category: Corona reflections, Life /

An invitation for reflection as 2017 begins

February 22, 2017 / / Comments Off on An invitation for reflection as 2017 begins

Your heart knows the way.  Run in that direction.  Rumi

Like many around the world, I’ve been following headlines more lately and engaging in more social action. As a part of this shift in attention, it has felt essential to consider how to ground action in compassion and wisdom.  In these reflections, I’ve been drawn  to revisit the Eightfold Path in Buddhism – right view, right resolve, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration (meditation)… and to contemplate it with fresh eyes.

Buddhism has quite a number of enumerated lists, and the elements of the Eightfold Path are no exception: each is traditionally detailed with clarifying lists and explanations.  Nevertheless, I’ve reflected on the Eightfold Path using a more fluid interpretation to explore how consciously working with these eight elements can nurture deeper understanding in the midst of social action.  

First a bit of semantics: I consider the meaning of “right” to be an invitation towards sensing for that which resonates most truly with compassion and wisdom.  “Right” can be a trigger word for some people, so perhaps a different word (such as resonant) is a more helpful description for the guideposts in the Eightfold Path.   

When we see something we feel must change – whether within ourselves, our families, our workplaces, our communities, or society at large – it is easy to jump to action.  But, first, it is helpful to contemplate and establish right view and right resolve.  That is, before considering an outward action, it is helpful to consider: where is our heart?  our mind? our ground?  What is the principle we are most resolved to manifest?  When view and resolve are established in love, truth, and kindness, right speech and right action flow naturally.
 
Right view suggests beginning by first finding the ground for intention. Will your view be through the lens of fear? distrust? judgmentalness? antipathy?  –  or compassion? hope? discernment? love?  Is your resolve to shame, to corral, to blame – or to love, to heal, to create community?  In this current political climate of inflamed emotions, it is easy to find reflections of the first few (from my perspective, slower vibration) emotions.  And, with much gratitude, I’ve noticed it is easy to find reflections of the latter, higher vibration emotions as well.  

I prefer to explore the Eightfold Path not as linear steps but rather as spiraling elements.  For example, I have found it enriching to reflect on right action from the perspective of action impacting view and resolve.  I feel tremendous love and connection in meditation, hiking, being in nature, and spending time with loved ones – including my dear canines.  So, right action is not always about whatever needs to be accomplished at work, at home, or in my community.  Sometimes, right action is simply becoming absorbed (right mindfulness) in those activities that connect me joyfully and genuinely with the roots that ring authentic for me as right view and right resolve.  Yes, certainly right speech and right action brings me back again to being integrated in the public world.  But, when it does, it does so with the joy of feeling grounded in love. And, right effort reminds me to find balance between exertion and restoration – being active in the world and taking time for meditation, contemplation, and discovery.  Of course, meditation is the cornerstone practice that gives your mind the spaciousness and attention to rest in right view.

I find the Eightfold Path to be helpful in shaping a balanced, healthy way to be in the world.  Walking it with gentle grace, we explore the Eightfold Path as a process rather than a goal.  By acknowledging that we are in different places in our spirals of discovery, we support ourselves in remembering to notice and compassionately guide ourselves back to our most authentic self when we get off track.  
 
I would love to hear from you about how you are shifting as we enter 2017, the year of the Fire Rooster (Phoenix, Garuda).  What rings true for you?  What keeps you active and joyful?  Where does your love catch fire?

With Love,
Robin

Category: Life /

Counting Blessings

December 30, 2016 / / Comments Off on Counting Blessings

Blessings JarAs the year draws to a close, and the short days begin to stretch longer once more, I love embracing the tradition of reflection and renewal.

As we consider New Year’s resolutions, we often focus on self improvement: finding way to adjust, to grow, and to develop new skills.  Self-improvement can be lovely.  And yet, as we begin 2017, I’ve felt pulled to soften more deeply into appreciation for the beauty of What Is.

There is always such beauty in what is already present – the small kindnesses that fill each day, the fortuitous opportunities that open new paths, the celebrations of art, music, and words that ignite our spirits, the joy felt in sharing a good belly laugh or in service to others, the deep peace of a grace-filled meditation or outdoor experience, and so much more.

This year, I decided to bring in a new (to me) tradition: a Blessings Jar.  I am waiting until 2017 to begin filling it.  Even so, it has been sitting prominently on my counter top, frequently encouraging me to reflect on gratitude.  It has already been a blessing in attuning my eyes to the beauty that I’d love to add to it each day – snippets of joy that I’ll eagerly add as soon as the new year comes.

Perhaps you have a similar tradition or resolution, or perhaps yours are in wonderfully different directions.  Wherever your reflections bring you, I hope you find much love, joy, and fulfillment in the new year.

 

 

P.S. If you’d like to read more about research into the importance of choosing mind-states, I found this recent article by Dr. Travis Bradberry, Author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (nothing I’m affiliated with except as an internet reader) interesting.

Category: Life /

Reflections as year end approaches

October 23, 2014 / / Comments Off on Reflections as year end approaches

Looking backwards, and forwards

In January, I set a goal to publish a book within eight months. The period that followed brought welcome introspection and meditation in support of producing, synthesizing, and refining the text. It has been a wonderful time for digger ever deeper, exploring my own edges for growth. Diving into the process of book creation, I used a schedule to add a potent urgency to the process of bringing my reflections to life.

Less than a year… a speedy timeline… or so I thought!

A week ago, I picked up an old journal from 2002, and laughed in disbelief as I read in my own hand an open-ended goal for writing this book. Flipping ahead a few years, I found reflections that arose from conversations in response to blogs I wrote – blogs that helped to shape and guide Joy’s Edge.

How beautiful to discover that a goal reached completion after a much longer period of creation than I had imagined! And, how wonderful to be reminded of just how essential others have been on my path, as they shared their insights, compassion, and light. I feel so grateful for the process, and for those who shared the journey with me!

How are you feeling as the year’s end approaches? Do you have projects that you are delving into or wrapping up? Do you feel inspired? Anxious? Joyful? Eager? Fearful? As the autumn sets in in earnest, it’s easy to get lost in ideas of accomplishments and the pressures of rapidly approaching deadlines. Having goals and plans is beautiful, as is growing into your highest expressions of You. At yet, how wonderful to simultaneously create time and spaciousness for gratitude, ease, and welcoming.

It is tremendously helpful to remember to breathe, and to see life as a conduit for love and joy, and as an expression of that which is most meaningful to you.

Updates on Joy’s Edge

I was thrilled to be able to share Joy’s Edge with teachers who provided valuable guidance over the years. I also dropped off a copy at our local Little Free Library at a neighbor’s tree, and sold one copy to our locally-owned bookstore, Northern Lights. And, I feel tremendously grateful towards everyone who has bought (or, contemplated buying) a copy online. As I’ve been considering next steps, many beautiful possibilities have come to mind. I recently recorded an audio meditation on the Mind-Body Connection. I expect that I’ll eventually list it for sale on my site, but for now, I’d love to share it with you as a free download. If you have feedback on this meditation (or, any of the others in Joy’s Edge), I would truly appreciate hearing your insights and reflections!

Saturday, I’ll be offering a free introductory yoga class and mindfulness talk as a part of Live Beyond Limit’s Grand Opening Celebration.

I am contemplating other avenues for growth as well, including online workshops. If there is something in particular that you think would be helpful, I would truly love to know what you would like to see.

About the book

Joy’s Edge is now available (signed or unsigned) from my website. As well, Joy’s Edge is available in paperback and Kindle versions on Amazon. In case you haven’t visited my Facebook page yet, you can find it at the Joy’s Edge Facebook Page. If you feel inspired to “like” my page on Facebook, I’d truly appreciate your support! Finally, if you haven’t had a chance yet to read my reflections on autumn (an excerpt from Joy’s Edge) on Meditate Like a Girl, I’d love to share that article with you.

Category: Life, Newsletter /

Reflections on the autumn equinox

September 24, 2014 / / Comments Off on Reflections on the autumn equinox

For many years, I was fortunate to study with a gifted meditation teacher. He approached instruction from a Zen perspective, and often assigned tasks that seemed impossible. If we had concerns that we didn’t think we could complete a task, he’d agree, with a mysterious smile.

Then, he’d clarify. We were right in thinking that the “I” we thought we were could not accomplish the task. So then, who could? What skills did we need to develop? Where did we need to evolve? What did we need to release? What transformation was needed for success?

In autumn, in anticipation of the cold, plants take stock. They draw nutrients out of their leaves, storing that which is essential. That which is unnecessary is carried away by the wind. Fall provides a welcome invitation to take stock of recent lessons and accomplishments, and to determine what blessings and gifts you’ll carry forward, as well as what hindrances you are ready to leave behind. What can you let go of to become the person who accomplishes your deepest heart goals? What can you develop to take a step towards growing into wherever you would like to be?

Tonight, as the first new moon of autumn greets us, inviting us to lay the groundwork for beautiful new beginnings, I’ll ponder autumn’s invitations for reflection. I hope you similarly feel inspired by the season.

Category: Life, Newsletter /

Forgiveness, humility, and somatic awareness

October 1, 2013 / / Comments Off on Forgiveness, humility, and somatic awareness

Humility reflects an awareness of, and appreciation for, the vastness and beauty of all that is. An overinflated ego can dress up as humility, with qualities such as meekness, cowering, self-loathing, or other forms of smallness. When we believe thoughts of our own overwhelming inadequacies, the ego is just as active as when we indulge in ideas of superiority; the two variations are simply two sides of the same egoic coin. True humility encompasses a sense of wonder – an awareness that the world is bigger and more mysterious than we could imagine, and a profound gratitude and a blessed appreciation for our own smallness within that immensity.

Forgiveness and Letting Go
When we allow non-forgiving attitudes to solidify, they tend to empower our egoic ideas – whether on the one hand ideas of superiority or self-righteousness, or on the other hand ideas of lack, smallness, or vulnerability. Embracing ego as it grows in either direction tends to limit true humility. As well, it limits our awareness of our intimate connection with Light (Love, Eternity, God/dess, whatever speaks most closely to your heart).

Thinking through Forgiveness
There are many useful cognitive techniques for working through non-forgiveness and towards letting go. From my perspective, compassion and discriminating wisdom are essential components, regardless of specific methods or practices. One technique that I have found tremendously useful is to hold space for myself and others by accepting each of us as being a “work in progress.” I let go of my ideas of how things “should be”, and I reflect on the situation to see how the person (whether it’s me or someone else) was doing the best they could with the particular circumstances, skills, and limited awareness that they had in that moment.

Of course, forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in an unsafe situation, or repeating my same mistakes. Acting with discriminating wisdom – honestly assessing situations and adjusting accordingly – is essential. In particular, when forgiving myself for past mistakes, an essential next step is to reassess, adjust as needed, and to live as mindfully as possible with a new pattern of being. When I live mindfully, putting forth “right effort” the first time around, sweating the details, knowing when I need a “time out,” etc., there is less to forgive, and a much greater sense of ease and gentleness while being out in the world.

Forgiveness In the Body
As I reflect on forgiveness, I realize that, for me, it occurs at a few levels. I can cognitively forgive someone for some perceived offense, or myself for some shortcoming or mistake, while still holding non-forgiveness at a deeper level, and I can feel it as tension in my body. When I think about the person or situation, I might feel a tightness in a specific area (such as my heart, forehead, or gut). When I truly feel gentleness in my body – when I feel no increase in tension when a person, situation, or event comes to mind, I know that I’ve stepped more completely into true forgiveness.

Seated meditation can be a profoundly useful practice for breaking through non-forgiveness. In this practice, I have found that it is counterproductive to “think through” whatever is on my mind while in meditation. There is certainly a place for that type of mental activity; it can be useful to think through one’s past, whether alone, with a psychologist, or with a dear friend. However, in meditation, I’ve found that that sort of cognitive processing gets in the way. Instead, I’ve found that it is much more useful to let go of the story entirely. Since non-forgiveness has a specific sort of tension in my body, I have found seated meditation with visualization and body awareness to be far more helpful in unwinding those sorts of “knots.”

Visualization with Body Awareness
First, visualize grounding deeply into the earth, extending roots that reach through the crust and into the molten core. While maintaining that connection, feel within your body for points of tension, and visualize flushing the knots out, watching the tension travel down your roots and dissolve in magma, purifying and transforming into light. As the knots soften and release, visualize light coming through the crown of your head, filling the now cleared space with light (I’ll often visualize golden or pink light, but please use whatever color feels most appropriate for you). Continue releasing tension and inviting Light to fill its void until you sense the tension has been purified and cleared. When your meditation feels complete, re-seal by dissolving your roots and visualizing your personal bubble, and then finish the visualization with an offering of deep gratitude.

Letting Go, and Letting Light Shine
When I can truly feel gratitude for a person or situation, or for my own self, specifically towards the ways that I once felt resentment or fear, I know that forgiveness has occurred. There are many techniques out there to invite forgiveness to take root and unfold, and many are helpful. However, I think the most essential ground for truly forgiving is to love the direct experience of Light (or, Eternity, God/dess, “peace beyond all understanding”, or whatever concept speaks most closely to your heart) more than you feel driven to cling to ideas of limitation. Though that sounds like an obvious choice, our minds often require reflection to regain that perspective, and training to maintain it. Techniques can be helpful in regaining that state of ease, love, and gratitude that I feel is our natural way of being.

Category: Life /
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